This time from my battery. My personal onboard human battery. I am some kind of ill, I don't know what. Something to do with digesting or not digesting things and then there is the cold that climbs from bone to bone. I left the office early because I could not be there and feel so ill. Incompatible. I came home and sat nicely in my lovely bed in my white undies and white singlet thinking that the niceness of the sheets and the sunlight in the window would somehow help. It didn't and I ended up sleeping fitfully until almost 8pm.
The rest of the evening I have been sitting in various places around the house looking for somewhere to feel better. When I feel sick the only thing I can think of is that there is no one to look after me. No one to put me to bed and rest a hand on my forehead. I almost hate myself for this lonely pining feeling I get when I am sick. I phoned Elliot despite saying to myself all day that I wouldn't. When he answered I lay down and couldn't think of anything to say. I just wanted to hear his voice. I told him about the wedding I have been invited to but I did not tell him he was invited too. I don't know if I want him to come. I don't know if I could stop myself looking at him and leaning on him and imagining forever as they say their vows. I don't think I should do that to myself. I can deal with the pain in my head and my stomach, I can deal with the unnatural feeling of ice in my bones, I can deal with the low energy but I want more than anything to say Scalpel and have someone pass me the instrument to amputate my heart.
I am hacking into this post to say- what the fuck! I am an unbelievable sap. Buck up there Slamma, you girl's blouse. I can not believe that people who read this did not leave a comment saying- this made me vomit it was so stupid, I am never coming here again. Oh blah I am possibly maybe might going to feel sad if I take a lovely friend to a lovely wedding. Good grief. Oh no I feel sick. Boo fucking hoo. They really shouldn't let me have a blog, it's like giving me a microphone only much worse. For lunch I might like a watercress sandwich, some crisps and a nice cup of tea. Jolly good, carry on.
The rest of the evening I have been sitting in various places around the house looking for somewhere to feel better. When I feel sick the only thing I can think of is that there is no one to look after me. No one to put me to bed and rest a hand on my forehead. I almost hate myself for this lonely pining feeling I get when I am sick. I phoned Elliot despite saying to myself all day that I wouldn't. When he answered I lay down and couldn't think of anything to say. I just wanted to hear his voice. I told him about the wedding I have been invited to but I did not tell him he was invited too. I don't know if I want him to come. I don't know if I could stop myself looking at him and leaning on him and imagining forever as they say their vows. I don't think I should do that to myself. I can deal with the pain in my head and my stomach, I can deal with the unnatural feeling of ice in my bones, I can deal with the low energy but I want more than anything to say Scalpel and have someone pass me the instrument to amputate my heart.
I am hacking into this post to say- what the fuck! I am an unbelievable sap. Buck up there Slamma, you girl's blouse. I can not believe that people who read this did not leave a comment saying- this made me vomit it was so stupid, I am never coming here again. Oh blah I am possibly maybe might going to feel sad if I take a lovely friend to a lovely wedding. Good grief. Oh no I feel sick. Boo fucking hoo. They really shouldn't let me have a blog, it's like giving me a microphone only much worse. For lunch I might like a watercress sandwich, some crisps and a nice cup of tea. Jolly good, carry on.
Comments
Ooh look a comment from opposite land just popped in to point out that I am a dickhead. Thanks for that.