Launch it - There was a cake shaped like a typewriter!

Indeed there was, at the fabulous book launch I attended this afternoon for Vanessa Berry's book Strawberry Hills Forever. I was having a generally fabulous time until I suddenly realised the place was full of men, stylish men, stylish academic men, stylish single academic men and that's when I freaked out because I am a sexual spaz. I am a sexual spaz that was unable to say the word Cock at the crucial moment, a sexual spaz that floats around pinballing silver and self-contained, alone.

All day I have been wondering about sex. Wondering how on earth people manage to have sex. Wondering what Rupert was really doing on the other end of the phone. Was he sitting at the kitchen table, periodically refreshing his cup of tea and idly flipping through the latest Vogue Living or was he spreadeagled on the lounge room floor for all to see? I guess I'll never know.

Rupert asked me what I liked, I had to stop and think. What do I like? Suddenly I was unsure and this got me thinking. If I could choose a man from a man catalogue how would I pick one out if I don't know what I like? Its important to know what you want so you don't end up with fish eyeball soup when you're hungering for pancakes. So I went to the cafe with Grizelda and The Spatula, we wrote lists of what we like in men whilst recording how many of the men walking by we would sleep with. Here's my list:

Intelligent
Eminently messable hair
Vibe of goodwill
Tallish
Empathetic
Creative
Well read
Intellectually passionate
Inquisitive
Has good people that love him
Attractive testicles (by this I mean not a weird set of low hangers, I came across some once by accident and it wasn't good, but I mean they were really low)
Does good scarf
Likes icing
Resourceful
Kind

This is what I think I like but what I really need is to figure out how to translate this raw data into having sex, that' s one tricky equation when you're a sexual spaz, like me. I might just have to wait for that teleporter to Melbourne to be invented.

Here's the scores:
Dale- 11
Grizelda - 3
The Spatula - 5

Comments

NWJR said…
If I tried to number all the women I saw today that I would sleep with, I'd need a bigger pencil.

Don't try to read anything into that. I mean it literally, not figuratively.

Whatever.
DS said…
Ah, well, you see my number was limited to the time it took to write the list and have one coffee.
DS said…
I should also point out that I was thrilled to receive a prize in the pass the parcel. Thrilled.
Gemnastics said…
Oh no. I planned my whole week around that launch. I was so looking forward to the typewriter cake and the pass the parcel. In true Me style I turned up a day early, Benito Difonzo in tow. We made a toast to Vanessa anyway. Then I couldn't go on Saturday. I can't believe we had an event in common and I still haven't met you. People in common, for that matter. What a shame, what a shame.
DS said…
Gempires: That is a shame! It would have been marvelous to run into you. The launch was great and I'm glad I went. The book is also great and I'm glad I read it. I would encourage you to get your hands on a copy.