Newtown was full so I slid in and out of formation trailing The Peachettes feeling sorry as a hangover. Newtown was different tonight, I wanted to howl with the sirens or lay down in the gutter feeling nothing but cold and concrete. I tried sending a message to Spencer but the message wouldn't send, I tried phoning but the phone told me I hadn't paid my bill. I felt like a knocked and ignored ashtray.
I don't know why I didn't pay my phone bill, I don't remember opening the bill and thinking I must pay that. I don't remember opening the bill then setting it down again either. Some days tasks become heavy and I have wanted, desperately wanted to be a person who can slide over the edge.
I'm looking around this room and noticing things have been coming undone. My pants need repairing, there are piles of unopened mail, my sheets need changing, I have no winter coat, incomplete study puddles in corners, the books are unread, the washing not done, even my shelf in the fridge is empty, my calls to friends remain unreturned and over there on the floor by the heater is a knocked and ignored ashtray. It used to be lovely in here.
And now after showers and the brilliant revelation of clean teeth and warm water I have spotted something. The bad idea coffee was curious. He said "I like to walk around in Newtown and laugh at the Newtown people". I kept looking at him and expecting Elliot to be just to the left or coming up from behind, he felt like an empty chair at a dinner party.
Walking home after dinner I ran into someone I haven't seen since Artboy. She put a hand on my shoulder and it felt like sorrow. I think she was checking to see what pieces of my heart I held in my hands. I kept looking at her and memories flashed like a slide show.
The people tonight were bookmarks for pages I've already read so now I'm flipping things around stepping over my knocked and ignored ashtray, taking refuge in my clutter. I'm clanging things together just to hear what sound they make. I'm smoking all my cigarettes and spitting out mantras. I've spread out my pencils and books and magazines and newspapers. I'm wearing twelve mismatched accessories and thinking about pigeons and telephones and apples. I'm leaving the last sentence up to you.
I don't know why I didn't pay my phone bill, I don't remember opening the bill and thinking I must pay that. I don't remember opening the bill then setting it down again either. Some days tasks become heavy and I have wanted, desperately wanted to be a person who can slide over the edge.
I'm looking around this room and noticing things have been coming undone. My pants need repairing, there are piles of unopened mail, my sheets need changing, I have no winter coat, incomplete study puddles in corners, the books are unread, the washing not done, even my shelf in the fridge is empty, my calls to friends remain unreturned and over there on the floor by the heater is a knocked and ignored ashtray. It used to be lovely in here.
And now after showers and the brilliant revelation of clean teeth and warm water I have spotted something. The bad idea coffee was curious. He said "I like to walk around in Newtown and laugh at the Newtown people". I kept looking at him and expecting Elliot to be just to the left or coming up from behind, he felt like an empty chair at a dinner party.
Walking home after dinner I ran into someone I haven't seen since Artboy. She put a hand on my shoulder and it felt like sorrow. I think she was checking to see what pieces of my heart I held in my hands. I kept looking at her and memories flashed like a slide show.
The people tonight were bookmarks for pages I've already read so now I'm flipping things around stepping over my knocked and ignored ashtray, taking refuge in my clutter. I'm clanging things together just to hear what sound they make. I'm smoking all my cigarettes and spitting out mantras. I've spread out my pencils and books and magazines and newspapers. I'm wearing twelve mismatched accessories and thinking about pigeons and telephones and apples. I'm leaving the last sentence up to you.
Comments
True, you more likely opened the bill andn thought 'I mustn't pay that'. I do that all the time.
Follow these rules, and I guarantee you, you won't fail at not succeeding in life (or at least poly-negatives.)