Failed ant farmer

I spent more time than is sensible ransacking the house for drugs. Oh I found some stuff but it wasn't mine and it wasn't what I was after. What I wanted was a Camberwell Carrot. I wanted to do something to my brain but what I found was five millimetres of a stem wrapped in foil with three bits of green leaf so small it was virtually undetectable. I stuffed it in the end of half a cigarette I found in an ashtray then smoked it. Here's what happened. I stayed up way too late watching telly and not doing anything then I ate two forkfuls of cold spaghetti followed by half a spoon of peanut butter. My mouth turned into a bad cafe floor so I smoked another cigarette, in the shower.

There was a time when everybody was always high. There was a time when I could send a text message asking for drugs and almost immediately my lounge room would be full of people, with drugs. I'm not talking vest wearing junkies sitting in the corner facing the wall all night. I'm talking about happy boys with smokeless pipes and insatiable urges for ice cream. Tonight one message went unanswered so I rang my brother and he said yeah he might be able to hook me up if I'm not in a hurry but what he was really saying was no.

I want to drive around in my shitbox car all day. In my pyjamas. I want to get fucked up and ease this dis ease. I don't know where its coming from or what its supposed to be doing. This morning I was happy as a clam watching Boli walk across the stage in his academic gown throwing out the kind of glow that hurts your cheeks and busts your heart with pride. This morning I was walking around my university campus crunching knowledge with my flat shoes trailing years and the sure flag that I did something.

This evening I was sitting in an armchair staring at a virtual chess board spitting with fury at the fuck off metaphor of it all. I know how the pieces move, I know the aim but I'm new to this game. I can see disaster coming but don't know how to stop it. Every move feels defensive and every now and then I see all the gaps in my half baked strategy and just like that I wanted out. Dis ease is sitting in my window. It must be cause there's been a change in the light.

Comments

NWJR said…
"This evening I was sitting in an armchair staring at a virtual chess board spitting with fury at the fuck off metaphor of it all. I know how the pieces move, I know the aim but I'm new to this game. I can see disaster coming but don't know how to stop it."

Now THAT is the Dale Slamma I know and love. Brilliant. FUCKING BRILLIANT.