Instincts people instincts

I should listened when my body knew something wasn't quite right today. I got out of bed and walked up the hall into the bathroom, after that I had a choice, turn left and into the rest of the house to start the day or turn right and back down the hall to my room. I turned right. Three more times I turned right. It took me six goes to work up the momentum to make a cup of coffee, then I took it back to bed with me. There is honeyed inertia in the air today. I can extend my arm and trail my fingers through layers of existence. It took forty minutes to work up the effort to make a sandwich for lunch, it took two hours to write a text message to Spencer to say I didn't want to go up King St with him on some performance mission or other but it only took three minutes to decide to phone Artboy.

We talked for quite a while. He kept saying I'm sorry for turning your life upside down. I said You didn't turn it upside down you smashed it with a hammer. He said Can you forgive me. I said. No. He said I want to make things ok. We spent so long together. I asked him what he meant but he clammed up and went on auto-mantra I don't know I don't know I don't know.

There is change in the air but I don't know what or how or why or when. Is it possible that there is still love here? How can love possibly have survived all of this?

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