I'm sitting in Ikea reclining on a sofa placed on a raised platform watching my very own personal parade. They've all shown up, samples from everywhere, every nation, every suburb, every brand of deodorant.
Grizelda and I came here looking for a chair named Jeff to place on the Peach Deck but I am so pleased by my very own personal people parade that I am sat here nodding mildly at the masses. This might be my ideal office. I can imagine myself sat here typing happily, I might periodically relocate to an office desk or a dining table and if I become tired I might nap in the pretend flat.
I like these nowhere spaces, where there are no obligations now. There is room here to think about the weekend and what has transpired. On Friday I was accused of being a lesbian when I told a man named Scrubber that no, I did not want him to exercise his "civic duty to make all women feel loved by making them feel sexy". I was standing in the same rehearsal space that I'd sat in watching Tex Perkins and The Cruel Sea rehearse before going on tour but everything was different. Some people were dressed like pirates but underneath you could smell their suburban skins, their organised kitchens and the spaces where ideas should be. Last time I was staring at Tex Perkins while he howled into the microphone, this time I was telling a man named Scrubber, who was wearing deck shoes, that no, I did not want to feel sexy.
In the bottom of my handbag I have the NYWF anthology, I bought it last night at the launch party, Benito Di Fonzo wrote "At least wait until I'm dead before you call me a cunt (again)" in the front of it and signed his name. Artboy appeared wearing a t-shirt and benito stooped forwards to read the small text on the front of the shirt while I thought this isn't right, this moment is as bad as exploding kittens with the power of thought. . I leant back against a brick wall, as far as I could, until I bruised my shoulder blades, and sipped from my bottle of water.
So I'm sitting in the in between space of Ikea on a mustard yellow chaise longue watching my own personal people parade with a book in the bottom of my handbag, two bruised shoulder blades and twelve kinds of memory. I think I kind of like it here, I might stay.
Station Lady, Jacket Man and Freddie Mercury Guy
Freddie Mercury Guy is an everywhere man. I'm not sure if its his striking resemblance to Freddie Mercury, the way he suddenly appeared and was everywhere all at once or if its something else entirely. I see him all the time, no matter where I am. He's practically omnipotent. He induces in me such a state of excitement that I have inadvertently invented a "I can see Freddie Mercury Guy dance". Spencer and Superman have developed almost identical responses to my dance, they stand perfectly still and say the word "spaz" slowly and clearly, Spencer, unlike Superman, will sometimes have his hands in his pockets.
Most people I know are well acquainted with Freddie Mercury Guy so I have taken to doing my dance, saying "Its Freddie Mercury Guy" then running away to avoid having to attempt to speak in a rational manner. I suspect that this may eventually prove trying for people other than me.
Most people I know are well acquainted with Freddie Mercury Guy so I have taken to doing my dance, saying "Its Freddie Mercury Guy" then running away to avoid having to attempt to speak in a rational manner. I suspect that this may eventually prove trying for people other than me.
Reliquary
I'm not eating dead saints but I'm walking through like everything is holy. I'm too earnest, we all know that, so I can take a skitter or an occasional low slung arrow but when he simply turned his back and walked away holding his wine glass out like a flare I thought this time Benito Di Fonzo you've gone too far.
I was sipping coffee with Spencer in the back part of the cafe having forgotten that Benito had sent out invitations to some kind of thing happening in the front part of the cafe tonight. I remembered quite suddenly when I ran right into Benito in the narrow hall connecting the back of the cafe to the front. I said hello then kept moving to the counter but on the way back out Benito and I had what would pass for conversation until we were talking about Jon Wah. I suspect that Benito believed I did not care for Jon Wah because I once referred to him as a reprehensible cunt but I don't recall seeing Benito at Jon Wah's funeral where I stood silent in the freezing rain wondering how in the hell a light like that could extinguish itself so completely.
I paused and dropped my head at the thought of Jon Wah and all that his death has done, this is when Benito turned his back and walked away holding out his glass of red wine like a flare. I burst onto the street in a fury matching Spencer's long stride. Spencer turned to me and said "He rates himself" then fell silent again.
I'm not eating dead saints but walking through like everything is holy so please, if you don't mind, just take a little care.
I was sipping coffee with Spencer in the back part of the cafe having forgotten that Benito had sent out invitations to some kind of thing happening in the front part of the cafe tonight. I remembered quite suddenly when I ran right into Benito in the narrow hall connecting the back of the cafe to the front. I said hello then kept moving to the counter but on the way back out Benito and I had what would pass for conversation until we were talking about Jon Wah. I suspect that Benito believed I did not care for Jon Wah because I once referred to him as a reprehensible cunt but I don't recall seeing Benito at Jon Wah's funeral where I stood silent in the freezing rain wondering how in the hell a light like that could extinguish itself so completely.
I paused and dropped my head at the thought of Jon Wah and all that his death has done, this is when Benito turned his back and walked away holding out his glass of red wine like a flare. I burst onto the street in a fury matching Spencer's long stride. Spencer turned to me and said "He rates himself" then fell silent again.
I'm not eating dead saints but walking through like everything is holy so please, if you don't mind, just take a little care.
Retardedly exhausted
I'm sketching in hours with cigarettes and phone calls thinking about Gemma on her birthday and wishing I could pop in for a cup of tea with a surprise cake in a white box but Melbourne is nowhere near Sydney, I think this might be a design flaw.
I'm waiting for words or the space that words arrive in. Daily is difficult when you need to make room for words. I was glad this weekend for Superman's company with his easy way of letting me be unfiltered, tired and badly dressed. I was glad last night when Spencer and Madam Squeeze came to visit. We stuffed ourselves with Turkish food and I demonstrated my newly perfected Pirate Chicken Dance and my ability to play a G major scale slowly but just the way Superman taught me to on guitar.
Spencer sometimes talks about the geography of sound but now I'm thinking about the geography of self. We all sat in The Peach stuffing ourselves with Turkish food and listening to records like they were just invented. Superman put on God Gave Rock'n'Roll To You and it was ridiculous but we all knew the words. I sat on the floor with pide half way to my face singing God gave rock'n'roll to you, put it in the soul of everyone. We were all singing and it was good and ridiculous and if scribes were taking notes they would have called it cartography.
I'm retardedly exhausted and happy in a flopsy kind of way. I had a good weekend, those are small words, the answer to a Monday question. They should be bigger or interstellar or revealed in ancient bones because its a way of making maps when you have a good weekend.
I'm waiting for words or the space that words arrive in. Daily is difficult when you need to make room for words. I was glad this weekend for Superman's company with his easy way of letting me be unfiltered, tired and badly dressed. I was glad last night when Spencer and Madam Squeeze came to visit. We stuffed ourselves with Turkish food and I demonstrated my newly perfected Pirate Chicken Dance and my ability to play a G major scale slowly but just the way Superman taught me to on guitar.
Spencer sometimes talks about the geography of sound but now I'm thinking about the geography of self. We all sat in The Peach stuffing ourselves with Turkish food and listening to records like they were just invented. Superman put on God Gave Rock'n'Roll To You and it was ridiculous but we all knew the words. I sat on the floor with pide half way to my face singing God gave rock'n'roll to you, put it in the soul of everyone. We were all singing and it was good and ridiculous and if scribes were taking notes they would have called it cartography.
I'm retardedly exhausted and happy in a flopsy kind of way. I had a good weekend, those are small words, the answer to a Monday question. They should be bigger or interstellar or revealed in ancient bones because its a way of making maps when you have a good weekend.
Inappropriate finger thoughts!
Headlines! for purposes of remembering.
The Bogatron
Inappropriate finger thoughts
Hank Williams
A small tower of bitterness
Insensible drinking
Pirate chicken dance
A case of weird man pride?
G major scale
Chuck Berry is a knob
God gave rock'n'roll some Turkish food
The Bogatron
Inappropriate finger thoughts
Hank Williams
A small tower of bitterness
Insensible drinking
Pirate chicken dance
A case of weird man pride?
G major scale
Chuck Berry is a knob
God gave rock'n'roll some Turkish food
Spontaneous Polo
Science, as usual, has got it all wrong. There is no need for tunnels or for Switzerland. The key to unlocking god particles is track one rif through all time. I have determined part of the sequence and was close to unlocking the first parallel universe, in which I have a giant bed and a giant bath - with fireplaces, when I was interrupted by a bout of spontaneous polo.
My colleagues held aloft mighty mallets and threw small white balls at police horses, they started running after the police horses but their legs gave out, this is part of the problem, spontaneous polo does not happen as quickly as you might imagine.
Some doctors (scientists by another name) might sometimes inform you that if your poo looks like coffee grounds that you need immediate medical attention, this is of course a lie. The problem is coffee grounds. Coffee grounds create spontaneous polio which quickly leads to bouts of spontaneous polo, this will of course lead to the destruction of the universe.
My colleagues held aloft mighty mallets and threw small white balls at police horses, they started running after the police horses but their legs gave out, this is part of the problem, spontaneous polo does not happen as quickly as you might imagine.
Some doctors (scientists by another name) might sometimes inform you that if your poo looks like coffee grounds that you need immediate medical attention, this is of course a lie. The problem is coffee grounds. Coffee grounds create spontaneous polio which quickly leads to bouts of spontaneous polo, this will of course lead to the destruction of the universe.
Guy Mann Dude
I'm trapped in a submarine with a guitarist named Guy Mann Dude, twelve boxes of stale pretzels and five casks of traditional lime cordial. Things could be worse.
Well alright so maybe that's not strictly accurate but there really is a man named Guy Mann Dude.
Well alright so maybe that's not strictly accurate but there really is a man named Guy Mann Dude.
Man Flowers and the Great Bubble Population
The Peachettes were watching telly in The Peach when a man on telly won a prize and was awarded a bunch of flowers and a trophy. The Peachettes declared that men should not receive flowers because they are men.
They told me about a man they know who received a dozen long stem red roses from his new girlfriend. The man did not like to receive flowers. The man complained about the flowers and said that she would have better spent the money on tickets to the footy. The Peachettes nodded at the rightness of the man's thinking and wondered aloud about just what the woman was thinking of by sending flowers to a man.
I do not share their views, just in case you were wondering.
They told me about a man they know who received a dozen long stem red roses from his new girlfriend. The man did not like to receive flowers. The man complained about the flowers and said that she would have better spent the money on tickets to the footy. The Peachettes nodded at the rightness of the man's thinking and wondered aloud about just what the woman was thinking of by sending flowers to a man.
I do not share their views, just in case you were wondering.
I would like to live in Sweden where the snow is crisp and even or I subscribed to a t-shirt
I was walking down the street wondering why I thought it was a good idea to have a shandy in two separate glasses, one for beer and one for lemonade, when it occurred to me that I had subscribed to the wrong t-shirt company. I had intended on having a Swedish t-shirt subscription but ended up with an Australian one. I'll alert the embassy at once.
Pahkow
I am beginning to suspect that my doctor is making blood sausages and selling them on the black market. I am beginning to suspect that she is making the sausages using my blood. I'm going to ask for a cut of the profits and also a jelly bean. Doctors are supposed to hand over a jelly bean every time they come anywhere near me with a needle. I made a solemn vow, when I was four, that I would sit still and be jabbed in exchange for a jelly bean. I don't remember breaking my end of the deal. I want my jelly bean.
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