Science, as usual, has got it all wrong. There is no need for tunnels or for Switzerland. The key to unlocking god particles is track one rif through all time. I have determined part of the sequence and was close to unlocking the first parallel universe, in which I have a giant bed and a giant bath - with fireplaces, when I was interrupted by a bout of spontaneous polo.
My colleagues held aloft mighty mallets and threw small white balls at police horses, they started running after the police horses but their legs gave out, this is part of the problem, spontaneous polo does not happen as quickly as you might imagine.
Some doctors (scientists by another name) might sometimes inform you that if your poo looks like coffee grounds that you need immediate medical attention, this is of course a lie. The problem is coffee grounds. Coffee grounds create spontaneous polio which quickly leads to bouts of spontaneous polo, this will of course lead to the destruction of the universe.