I am staring at a suitcase and wondering what to put in it. I am going to Melbourne to see Gemma and Melbourne. I haven't travelled by myself since I was fourteen. My parents had a habit of sticking me on aeroplanes for solo holidays, this is how I developed my complete and beautiful fear of travelling anywhere at all unfamiliar by myself.
I distinctly remember sitting on an plane by myself when I was eight years old not knowing where I was going or who, if anyone, was meeting me at the other end. I'm sure that someone must have told me but I could not remember. I sat with my small bear on my lap and my notebook in my left hand swinging my feet and staring at the clouds thinking I am nowhere. This is the feeling that happens when I'm on a different bus from usual or driving to an unfamiliar place. This is the feeling that amplifies when a day loses direction or I sit down to think about the future of my life.
I have opened and shut the suitcase three times. Once I put hats in it then took them out again. I put a tube of toothpaste in the suitcase. I took that out again too because I needed to clean my teeth.
This is a journey I need to make.
