Unbelievable tragedy of epic proportions

I have developed an odd inability to have anything closer than one metre to my throat. If anything comes closer than that I start gagging. Walking home from work I had to carry my overly large satchel style bag, stuffed with one pair of shoes, most of a loaf of bread, a large dutch cream potato, half a manuscript and a magazine, clamped under my arm like some kind of crazy lady. I couldn't even have the strap on my shoulder or I would start gagging and have to stop and breathe and concentrate on not vomiting in front of all the suit wearing people. This is not good. Its a long way home from work, about four kilometres. I'm going to spend the evening constructing some kind of hover bag with homing technology and an on board champagne cooling compartment. Take that NASA.