Good lord that was horrible! I am sitting in bed happily reading a children's novel and munching on pirate chocolate but unfortunately I spied some crumbs on my chest. I eagerly licked my finger and went about rounding them up and stuffing them in my mouth thinking they were chocolate crumbs but they turned out to be flakes of tobacco. Once again I am sitting in bed thinking Yucky.
I think I am ill. I have been wandering around the house this evening feeling distressed and in dire need of a hug but not knowing why. After lemon tea and reflection I think I feel ill. There is a sneaking ache in my bones and my head periodically throbs and I have been entirely incapable of doing anything constructive all day. Thankfully my new silicon purchase has kept me otherwise occupied though in need of regular showers and a big glass of cranberry juice.
Yesterday I spent several hours in the fine company of Gemma from the famed Gempires. I was prepared to meet her lively mind and charming sense of humour but I was not at all prepared for the sheer force of her presence. She is powerful and charming and elegant. If I didn't love her so much I'd hate her.
I was in the toilets at The Townie furtively undertaking some major bra readjustments and trying to lower the skyline of my hair when a woman came through the door, pointed at me and leapt on me. Fortunately it was Gemma, her hair smells nice. Gemma is the second person to hug me since I've been single, people don't usually hug me because I am a bit prickly and awkward so I was entirely in love with her from the first moment.
The whole time I tried as hard as I could to keep my sensible hat on. I desperately wanted to go and ask a man in a kilt and horrible vest why on earth he thought that vest went with his kilt but I erred on the side of sensible and instead opted for drawing a helpful diagram of my vibrator with labels and arrows pointing out the various features. I engaged in some fretful leg swinging from my high stool to help counteract the no smoking location, this did not help but trips out to the balcony did.
I wanted to keep talking to Gemma. I wanted to steal her and install her somewhere where we could converse until I ran out of words and ears. I still feel like Anne of Green Gables, I only wish Gemma lived close enough to develop a secret system of candle flashes at the window.
