Tuesday, 6 September 2011

A Slamma family wedding weekend

Raw data in non-chronological point form:


  • Percentage of relatives I despise yet remain polite to - 2%
  • Cousins who explained to me the reason for all the wog food at the after party at his house was because his family were all wogs, before blinking drunkenly and saying, 'Oh, you're my cousin' - 1
  • Cheeses eaten that cost more, per cheese, than my weekly rent - 9
  • Belly aches due to eating too much cheese - 3
  • Languages spoken at various after parties and dinners - 6
  • Languages I understand - 1.75
  • Big W catalogues read aloud to me in a mixture of Creole and French at the dinner table - 3
  • Divorced parents who arrived simultaneously at my brother's house, where I was staying - 2
  • Relatives who sang Johnny Cash songs - 8
  • Instruments my dad played at the after party - 2
  • Relatives who suggested my cowboy boots were an inappropriate choice and did not at all go with my formal dress - 1
  • Number of people who approached me in the DJ booth and asked me to change the song - 17
  • Number of times I complied with song-change requests - 0
  • Aged Aunts who cried mightily whilst filming proceedings - 1
  • Radiantly happy cousins who floated back down the aisle with their new husband - 1
  • Balloons popped in anger by delinquent cousins - 1
  • Amusing witty asides made by my father - 35972
  • Hours spent in the company of relatives - 20
  • Bushranger shows filmed in my hometown watched on my return to The Peach - 1
  • Overall success as rated by the bride - 100% and I suppose that's the one point of raw data that actually matters. 

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