Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Prison Guy shall now be known as Tyre Guy

I was sitting in a boardroom with ten other people. Our task was to write individual lists of uses for paper clips other than clipping paper together. The first item on my list was "stick in powerpoint and use as suicide machine". The facilitator wrote 'powerpoint' on the whiteboard in big orange letters and asked me to continue reading out my list until I came to item seventeen "microwave paperclip to create beautiful light sculpture in kitchen". She objected strongly to the idea that metal be microwaved on purpose and refused to write it on the whiteboard.

Prison Guy had his usual arguments with Architect Guy. Death Metal Guy complained bitterly about the lack of biscuits to go with his tea. PR Lady flicked her hair, reapplied pink lipstick and twice squirted herself with an enormous bottle of hideously expensive perfume. All of this was business as usual until Prison Guy made a sudden and moving speech about his deep love for car tyres. The speech turned into a lecture on the history and development of the tyre and the correct PSI for all makes and models of cars in differing weather situations. He finished with a wink and nod saying that in his opinion its best to keep the PSI down by 5 on any car driven by the missus, know what I mean.

I did not know what he meant and was about to say so until Financial Planner Lady shot me a look that plainly said 'if you encourage him to say one word about tyres I am going to kill you'. The faciliatator wrote tyres on the whiteboard in big green letters.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is a friggin' stupendous piece.

Dale Slamma said...

Why thank you kind stranger.