I am beginning to suspect that my doctor is making blood sausages and selling them on the black market. I am beginning to suspect that she is making the sausages using my blood. I'm going to ask for a cut of the profits and also a jelly bean. Doctors are supposed to hand over a jelly bean every time they come anywhere near me with a needle. I made a solemn vow, when I was four, that I would sit still and be jabbed in exchange for a jelly bean. I don't remember breaking my end of the deal. I want my jelly bean.
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When you give blood down at the Red Cross, they're all "Oh, have a chocolate! and a box of sultanas! and a juice! and some crackers! and some cheese! and would you like a sticker? Bottle of water? Another juice? More chocolate?"
I take blood from patients all the time and I never offer jelly beans!
Oh, the humanity...