I am quiet now in an after storm mode of sitting curled in and sacred. I have done all the things I do not do. I have reacted and overreacted. I have apologised to myself, to Spencer and then to Artboy.
Spencer because I left a ridiculous drunken message on his Sfpazbook wall. Spencer replied with humour and not a trace of anger which would have been well within his rights.
Artboy because I unforgivably emailed him saying "Yep, drunk but anyway you should just not be detectable. That's it. Not detectable". He replied with such humility, grace and sorrow that I spent a day stranded on a chair unable to move or speak or do anything at all until I sent another email apologising. What possible right could I have to ask another person to be undetectable to me in this life.
Me. I apologised to myself because Elliot sent a message saying that he wants to approach me but is too scared. His typo made the scared into sacred and it was this more than anything that prompted me to reply. Now he has phoned, we have talked but not about anything at all. I let the silences rest and the pauses unwind into meaninglessness.
Now I sit quiet in the aftermath of doing all the things I do not do. I dropped my mask and it cracked. This is the year of holding up signs for others to read.
Spencer because I left a ridiculous drunken message on his Sfpazbook wall. Spencer replied with humour and not a trace of anger which would have been well within his rights.
Artboy because I unforgivably emailed him saying "Yep, drunk but anyway you should just not be detectable. That's it. Not detectable". He replied with such humility, grace and sorrow that I spent a day stranded on a chair unable to move or speak or do anything at all until I sent another email apologising. What possible right could I have to ask another person to be undetectable to me in this life.
Me. I apologised to myself because Elliot sent a message saying that he wants to approach me but is too scared. His typo made the scared into sacred and it was this more than anything that prompted me to reply. Now he has phoned, we have talked but not about anything at all. I let the silences rest and the pauses unwind into meaninglessness.
Now I sit quiet in the aftermath of doing all the things I do not do. I dropped my mask and it cracked. This is the year of holding up signs for others to read.
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Rups xox