I am conducting a scientific experiment. Things a writer will do in one day to avoid working on a manuscript in progress include but are not limited to:
- watching the washing go round in the machine to ensure that it really does tumble in such a way that all clothes have a turn at being washed;
- scrubbing the shower;
- cleaning the hard to clean bits around the bathroom taps;
- reorganising containers in the pantry;
- reading boring articles in the newspaper;
- watching part of a Batman movie on television;
- washing sheets;
- vacuuming floors;
- making a new toy for the cat;
- tying decorative scarves onto chairs then taking them off again;
- grocery shopping;
- sorting through old literary journals then putting them on the street;
- staring through the curtains at the man taking the literary journals from the street;
- thinking very hard about devising an entirely new look for one's person;
- checking email inbox;
- rechecking email inbox;
- deciding that very large Lois Lane style reading glasses are making a comeback;
- looking up health fund eye centre hours to see if immedate purchase of Lois Lane style reading glasses is a possibility;
- asking The Spatula very nicely to please try and purchase a fake birkin bag whilst in Manila;
- phoning Mother to request a book from the espresso book vending machine in the New York Public Library, a copy of The New Yorker, a scarf, beret, gloves and things not sold in Sydney also possibly a long winter coat if she is confident that she can buy one that will fit me nicely;
- pondering if I would like a hoodie from NYU to replace my old and falling apart UWS one;
- adding NYU hoodie to wishlist of things I would like from New York as instructed to write by Mother;
- driving to office to collect partially broken clothes rack found on the streets of Redfern and stashed in office;
- telephoning brother to arrange dinner at Mother's house next weekend;
- sketching things as practice to draw on Mother's plaster over broken foot next weekend;
- moving stool to convenient location in front of washing machine to check that European washing machine scientists design washing machines that wash all clothes put in them.
Comments
"Usually, writers will do anything to avoid writing. For instance, the previous sentence was written at one o'clock this afternnon. It is now a quarter to
four. I have spent the past two hours and forty-five minutes sorting my neckties by width, looking up the word /paisly/ in three dictionaries, attempting to find the town of that name on /The New York Times Atlas of the World/ map of Scotland, sorting my reference books by width, trying to get the bookcase to stop wobbling by stuffing a matchbook cover under its corner, dialing the telephone number on the matchbook cover to see if I should take computer courses at night, looking at the computer ads in the newspaper and deciding to buy a computer because writing seems to be so difficult on my old Remington, reading an interesting article on sorghum farming in Uruguay that was in the newspaper next to the computer ads, cutting that and other interesting articles out of the newspaper, sorting -- by width -- all the interesting articles I've cut out of newspapers recently, fastening them neatly together with paper clips and making a very attractive paper clip necklace and bracelet set, which I will present to my girlfriend as soon as she comes home from the three-hour low-impact aerobic workout that I made her go to so I could have some time alone to write."
You might like to start practicing being a retired a middle aged lesbian intellectual with excellent style, sharp wit, sharper tongue and a habit of worrying quite a bit about random things. You will need a great dane named Horatio, a small cat called Baddie collections of expensive tea pots, Klimt jigsaw puzzles, antique writing desks and coronation mugs. May the force be with you.
I would very much like to borrow old New Yorkers but I'm not sure about the whole bones thing. I wouldn't smear vegemite on them. I promise!!
Um. Yes. Similar.
ds: I've learned more from this blog than any science class I ever took.
Hey! I'm old and I live in New York. You can borrow me any time! ;-)
The Peach
Newtown
NSW
Australia
I suggest wrapping yourself in several layers of bubble wrap as Australia Post are very at breaking things.