I have fleas.
I'm walking around with itchy flea bites on me. Horrible. I've sprayed the fuckers but they're not dead yet.
There must be a way to kill fleas with some kind of trap. A tiny trap with flea bait in it. I will put it on the floor and all the fleas will jump into it. You won't be able to see into it because a jar of fleas is yucky. Please invent this trap now.
The cat is the only one not scratching, she is fleaproof thanks to the monthly tiny vial of poison that goes on the back of her neck. I considered trying some of that on me to see if it worked on humans but I read the label and it also does things like worms for cats and other cat related things. Its probably not a good idea if you are not a cat. I am not a cat. I wish I was a cat but it didn't say anything about that on the label.
I'm walking around with itchy flea bites on me. Horrible. I've sprayed the fuckers but they're not dead yet.
There must be a way to kill fleas with some kind of trap. A tiny trap with flea bait in it. I will put it on the floor and all the fleas will jump into it. You won't be able to see into it because a jar of fleas is yucky. Please invent this trap now.
The cat is the only one not scratching, she is fleaproof thanks to the monthly tiny vial of poison that goes on the back of her neck. I considered trying some of that on me to see if it worked on humans but I read the label and it also does things like worms for cats and other cat related things. Its probably not a good idea if you are not a cat. I am not a cat. I wish I was a cat but it didn't say anything about that on the label.
Comments
The best way to get fleas is to lure them by softly playing on a kazoo - fleas can be lulled into a hypnotic state simply by playing Chopin on the kazoo, a nocturne usually works, then one by one just keep playing and they will follow as if in a trance, then once you have played far enough from home, stop playing and run like hell.
They won't catch up because it takes about one and a half minutes for a flea to break from its kazoo trance.
Rups :) Always ready with some handy pro-Dale hints and tips for staying sane. xox
Onto the rug and thence unto my shin?
And how, once there, doth creep this petty gnat
Betwixt my leg hairs thence unto the skin?
Though I do vacuum seldom as a rule,
The onset of the season of the flea
Me maketh vacuum almost constantly
Lest wicked fleas from out my veins suck fuel.
When vacuum cleaners cease to suck up fleas
And fleas persist in sucking on my legs,
When threatened with all manner of disease,
And knowing fleas in rugs do lay their eggs,
Then time to flea bomb, though it poison be,
And though it may deform my ovary.