Well once again I have temporarily (I hope temporarily) shattered my independence bubble. The bubble that has allowed me to float happily alone. Happily enough to go and see a concert by myself with the greatest of ease but that was last week. Now I feel that burning band of tightness just under my ribcage, the slight shortening of breath that means I am alone and not entirely happy about it.
I slept all day because yesterday I accidentally exerted myself past the point of exhaustion. It didn't take much, firstly I stayed awake all day. I washed the dishes and helped The Spatula set up for our ladies afternoon tea. I then drank tea and cupcakes with ladies. Elliot arrived towards the end of the tea party with a present for me, a teapot with cup, for one.
Elliot helped me tidy up after the ladies left, he ate the last of the cucumber sandwiches then washed all the dishes. He was wearing sandals and carefully placing my elegant teacups on the bench. We walked up the street to have some dinner. I thought we might get the bus because where we were going was at the other end of King St but I stupidly walked the whole way. After dinner at the sorbet shop I realised what I had done. I was having difficulty sitting on my stool. I thought I might melt onto the floor and be absorbed into the tiles. Elliot suggested a taxi home.
Elliot told me to go and have a shower. He said go and have a shower and I will change the sheets for you. I was so grateful that I showed him where I keep my botanical shower foam. I had a very solid plan, I'd been thinking it through and making determinations, I ran through the plan once more while I was in the shower. My very solid plan was to not have sex. Here are the reasons. 1 I do not know what my illness is or if it is contagious. 2 I am not supposed to exert myself. 3 Last time I did not cope, the sudden giving then taking away of a person left me bereft. 4 Last time it wasn't really that good.
I have never been very good at following plans. He came up behind me while I was fusing over some thing or other, he wrapped his arms around me then lowered his face onto the back of my neck and smelled me. The plan wobbled a little. When he came back from the shower he smelt like botanical foam, he very calmly took off his clothes and climbed into bed. I thought fine all normal and running according to plan so far. Obviously hugging is allowed but very slowly finger by finger the plan went out the window and reason 4 no longer stands as a reason.
Just before I fell asleep I noticed a spider. A giant spider. Under threat of me going to fetch The Spatula to deal with it Elliot pulled on some clothes and I snuck out the door to find a container and sheet of cardboard. I met The Spatula in the hallway and soon enough there was a three person spider removal operation underway. My role was to bravely hide in the hallway while Elliot stood on a stool with his shirt on backwards and his hair on end, The Spatula cheered him on. The spider was released outside where hopefully it will run free and never bother me again.
Sleep was delayed for some time because Elliot oddly developed a bad case of the giggles. In the morning I thought I felt fine, fine enough to go along with further plan busting then cook bacon and eggs. Unfortunately the morning came to an abrupt conclusion when Elliot's brother phoned and asked where he was. The whole family was waiting for him in a cafe in Leichhardt. We forgot about daylight savings. I drove him to the cafe and god knows how I made it home again. I felt like my infrastructure had collapsed. I slept all day. Now that I am awake I have noticed the absence of the bubble, the tightening of that infernal band of sorrow and once again I am sitting cross legged and alone wondering how I managed to fool myself into believing that I can do this all by myself.
I slept all day because yesterday I accidentally exerted myself past the point of exhaustion. It didn't take much, firstly I stayed awake all day. I washed the dishes and helped The Spatula set up for our ladies afternoon tea. I then drank tea and cupcakes with ladies. Elliot arrived towards the end of the tea party with a present for me, a teapot with cup, for one.
Elliot helped me tidy up after the ladies left, he ate the last of the cucumber sandwiches then washed all the dishes. He was wearing sandals and carefully placing my elegant teacups on the bench. We walked up the street to have some dinner. I thought we might get the bus because where we were going was at the other end of King St but I stupidly walked the whole way. After dinner at the sorbet shop I realised what I had done. I was having difficulty sitting on my stool. I thought I might melt onto the floor and be absorbed into the tiles. Elliot suggested a taxi home.
Elliot told me to go and have a shower. He said go and have a shower and I will change the sheets for you. I was so grateful that I showed him where I keep my botanical shower foam. I had a very solid plan, I'd been thinking it through and making determinations, I ran through the plan once more while I was in the shower. My very solid plan was to not have sex. Here are the reasons. 1 I do not know what my illness is or if it is contagious. 2 I am not supposed to exert myself. 3 Last time I did not cope, the sudden giving then taking away of a person left me bereft. 4 Last time it wasn't really that good.
I have never been very good at following plans. He came up behind me while I was fusing over some thing or other, he wrapped his arms around me then lowered his face onto the back of my neck and smelled me. The plan wobbled a little. When he came back from the shower he smelt like botanical foam, he very calmly took off his clothes and climbed into bed. I thought fine all normal and running according to plan so far. Obviously hugging is allowed but very slowly finger by finger the plan went out the window and reason 4 no longer stands as a reason.
Just before I fell asleep I noticed a spider. A giant spider. Under threat of me going to fetch The Spatula to deal with it Elliot pulled on some clothes and I snuck out the door to find a container and sheet of cardboard. I met The Spatula in the hallway and soon enough there was a three person spider removal operation underway. My role was to bravely hide in the hallway while Elliot stood on a stool with his shirt on backwards and his hair on end, The Spatula cheered him on. The spider was released outside where hopefully it will run free and never bother me again.
Sleep was delayed for some time because Elliot oddly developed a bad case of the giggles. In the morning I thought I felt fine, fine enough to go along with further plan busting then cook bacon and eggs. Unfortunately the morning came to an abrupt conclusion when Elliot's brother phoned and asked where he was. The whole family was waiting for him in a cafe in Leichhardt. We forgot about daylight savings. I drove him to the cafe and god knows how I made it home again. I felt like my infrastructure had collapsed. I slept all day. Now that I am awake I have noticed the absence of the bubble, the tightening of that infernal band of sorrow and once again I am sitting cross legged and alone wondering how I managed to fool myself into believing that I can do this all by myself.
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