ILL 001

Once in a letter to a friend of mine I declared myself to be wonderfully ill. I believe that time has come again. There's a painful lump in my neck, I have leprosy in my left fingers, something swollen and heavy crouches in my throat, I am off balance, exhausted and unable to walk for more then two minutes without nearly passing out. I feel great.

This illness has silenced my thoughts. I am inside every moment, the world is wrapped in cotton wool. I can't even think about thinking and I'm loving every second. Is this what it is like to be someone else? Someone who can come home, cook dinner, watch television and then go to bed. I've always wanted to be that person. I long to be uncomplicated and settled. I want shopping lists on the fridge and a cheap shiny magazine to read, I want only one kind of tea and an absence of ideas, experiments and manuscripts. Is this what its like? Is this the way to live?

Inject me with your poisons. I don't want this to end.

Comments

Dahlia said…
I like to consider myself middle of the road when it comes to this area. Maybe even two different people sharing the same space. I could sit on my ass all day thinking about all the fascinating things in life, but I start to feel like shit if there is no action being taken. I have a cluttered mind, but I rejoice when I have lists. Even if those lists are not followed, I am made happy by looking at and revising the lists. It gives me a focus. And when I do get things done on the list, it's like a reward. I also like variety in life though, and hate structure to be forced on me. But, if I'm forcing the structure on myself, it's quite ok. I do not have goals to have experiments though. You are quite unique that way, in my opinion. I do have goals though...always goals. This is why I would be super happy to have a big white, erasable board in the kitchen. It would have illegible scribbles about this or that, lists, recipes, goals, inspirational sayings,and the occassional "i hate people, or i hate this or that" vent.

I think you should live by whatever standard makes you feel good. I try to do a little of both...free association living and structured living...but always, always variety!!!
DS said…
Good idea but right now the only variety I am capable of is asleep or awake.