The right thing

Sometimes doing the right thing is a just another way to make yourself feel better about yourself. A friend of mine is planning on meeting up with a man she went on a date with to inform him, over lunch, that its not going to work for her. She's going to give him the let's be friends speech. Whilst I admire her for being straight forward and shooing away any anxiety or expectations I have some issues with her methods.

The man is most likely under the impression that this is another date. The man was very keen to meet her for lunch and told her this. Imagine yourself sitting in a public place right across from the person you have been hoping would invite you somewhere, one on one. You might have picked out a special outfit and checked the train timetable twice to make sure you'd arrive on time. You might be letting loose wild imaginings over garlic bread, this is only going to make things worse when you have to pack your heart away with the tea spoon over coffee.

I should have said this to my friend when I had the chance. When you go to somebody and you have something to say make sure that they are going to be comfortable. Don't do it in a public place, sometimes it is kinder to do it over the phone so they can run from the bedroom to the kitchen and leak tears into teacups. Make sure you consider it from their point of view as well as your own. When you move to your moral high ground take care where you cast your shadow.

Comments

Anonymous said…
What are you talking about? Doing the right thing is the only way to feel good about yourself.
DS said…
I'm talking about determining what is the right thing. There is a difference between right and self-righteous. Just to be clear I am not calling my friend self-righteous.
cath said…
Hmmmm. You're both right. I feel sorry for him, but also for her. Differing expectations of an outcome are always tricksy. I believe we are better at resilence than bullshit though. Say what you mean,-mean what you say. The sharp cut is always kinder.
Anonymous said…
Yeah... I feel sorry for the guy especially. But I would feel more sorry if the girl just strung him along because she was cowardly (having had a girl do that to me I completely empathise).

However, the girl could probably have chosen a better way to do it. Perhaps she's not accustomed to the dating (and ending dating) scene?
DS said…
Perhaps that is the answer. I know she was trying to do the right thing.