What is this strange and beautiful thing?

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Ah ha! So I have typed a thing about the Sydney Underground Film Festival. Hopefully it will appear on Snuffbox Films. It could well be rejected yet. I will wait and see. Oh yes I will wait. I am waiting right now. Already bored with waiting.

The film festival has taken a toll on me. I am wasted. I am soaked through with the visual ideas of the world. My eyes are sore from watching and bones aching from sitting night after night hour after hour in the freezing arctic cinema.

Some of the more abstract films felt almost generative in nature and this leads me squarely back to Artboy who frittered away years of his life coding generative artworks for projection or performance. Every morning I wake sobbing and shaking frightened by the powerful arcs of nightmare and the physical memories of sorrow. I think this is the final push. I am going over the top of this process. Soon it will be one year since I found myself alone and vomiting with shock on the floor. One year since I was loved. One year since I was airlifted into my own path in my own shoes carrying the expectant load of a room of one's own.

Its the sun rising.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Is it better to have loved and lost?
11/09/2007, 21:52
DS said…
You push on doors just to feel the tightening of your own arms Creamboy.
11/09/2007, 22:37
cath said…
Anniversaries....nothing quite does your brain in like 'em. I once wrote a whole (yet-to-be-published) book on mine. 3 days, no sleep, too much booze and a manuscript that sadly, reflects all of the above far more than what I was trying to vomit out...sigh.
11/09/2007, 22:41
Dahlia said…
I lived in FL when I hit the 1 year anniversary of Rob's suicide. I spent the night on the beach by myself and watched the sun rise in the morning. It was a beautiful feeling and momentous as that was when I made my decision to live my life for me. Sounds like you just had that moment in Dale style.
12/09/2007, 00:37
Anonymous said…
yes, it's interesting how anniversaries creep up on you unexpectedly sometimes, some happy, some not. My current one, which I can't actually recall an exact date due to the pain at the time causing a massive mind block to construct itself, is mixed with sadness and joy, because while the sadness is representative of the end of a long era, there is happiness at acknowledging the possibilities the future holds for me, and the fact that it will be signposted as the new beginning with divorce papers. A definite exclamation mark acting as the gate between old life and new.
12/09/2007, 01:06
DS said…
Its not the anniversary just yet but I can feel time turning as it darkens the horizon. I just hope the nightmares don't last.

Avi: Your strength and grace astounds me.
12/09/2007, 01:34
Dahlia said…
That's the beauty in endings, they eventually are associated with new beginnings...which was really my point. I think Damo hit on it nicely. Thanks for the nice words Dale. I don't know how much grace I have. ;-)
12/09/2007, 11:15
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