Launch it - Ilumina

A poet called me gracious and held out an arm as though to place a hand on my shoulder as I slipped out the cafe and into the back of the bookshop. I spent the evening perched alone at the back of the back courtyard peering through palm leaves to catch glimpses of the poets as they read. I was there with my work hat on, I walked across the bottom of Redfern and Chippendale both trailing and pushing weariness, not worried to arrive on time. A colleague came and went before things got started leaving me stranded next to a man with Berlin hair fascinated by a Danish woman on the other side of him. Too tired to feel any discomfort at being so glaringly alone amongst the tight knit groups of old faithfuls I stretched out my legs and let people clamber over them as the need arose. I was prepared for boredom and the increasing awareness of the hard seat of my chair, I was not prepared for the opening address to be the answer to all my problems.

On Sunday, after my adventure to the Olympia milkbar on Parramatta Rd I walked through the front door and decided, in an instant, to give up writing, forever. This is a decision I have been very happy with every second, every half second, every waking blink, since I threw down my pen and declared the war over. But that was before I heard what Judith Beveridge had to say about the courage of the writer and I thought yes. What courage we need and I knew as soon as I thought 'we' that it was nothing but a dream to give up writing. It is a necessary torture.

There were dire moments at the open mic and two moments of bliss. The first was a man, tallish and ordinary with matching beanie and jumper making a hesitant start. He softly asked me to follow his words into violent understanding. The second a beautifully graceful elderly woman in a turquoise overcoat and round brimmed hat. Her deliberate words had grace and depth and when she finished I realised I wasn't breathing and I was almost overcome by the sublime ache of grief and love. Fucking poets.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I agree, I seem to have higher expectations if I go to readings, I want some chair throwing, arguments, sex in the toilets, drunk people slumped just listening - and then I go to the reading, and discover as usual that the poets are like a knitting circle of nerds getting all wound up with words but keeping life out of it - that has never worked with me - if their poems are about life they take Wordworth's excessive obsession applying alliteration towards a tree and apply it to what they had for breakfast in the morning. I have alove hate relationship with the scene as you can tell.

Rups :)
DS said…
Which bit do you agree with? I think I'm going to go back for the next night. I think its time I slipped out of my bubble and check out a scene.
Anonymous said…
Oh, the "fucking poets" bit.

;) Rups
DS said…
Ah I see. Yes, fucking poets they seem so harmless until they open a portal into your heart and mind.