Dale for a day by ......?
12.01
Sit up in bed with laptop on lap editing thing and trying to get to grips with wordpress, which is beyond you, and chatting to various people - so much more fun to do this sitting up in bed with no makeup on and hair in eccentric braid thing sticking up from top of head than actually having to be somewhere properly dressed and looking animated. Also, chatting in the privacy of your aloneness means that nobody can disapprovingly tell you you are smoking too much. Only one of these people is beloved lover going on about his other lover. Clearly you are not jealous in the slightest, as can be seen by your furrowed brow and uncomprehending: "But why?" when opposite scenario occurs.
2.00
Tell chattees you must go to sleep. Set alarm clock and note vaguely that you must be awake in less than three hours. Somewhere in the intervening time you have managed to bend wordpress to your will, and have cybersex, slightly freaking the other person out towards the end.
2.30
Door is flung open by daughter, who wishes to tell you about new car. Door is able to be flung open due to failure of feminism, which means that some months ago you managed to half get the lock out of the door in an attempt to change it in order to lock daughter out and safeguard clothes, money, makeup etc, and have ever since been plaintively begging daughter to order her musclebound boyfriend to yank the rest of it out. Even though you are slightly apprehensive, as last time you asked him to loosen a screw in the doorhandle, he yanked the whole doorhandle off. Anyway, you now have uncloseable bedroom door which means daughter is free to steal cigarettes and chat whenever she feels like it. You weren't asleep but pretend you were in a vain attempt to induce filial guilt.
3.00
Daughter having returned your phone which she has had for two days, you are able to read messages saying that you don't have to go into work at all. Triumphantly stay awake until 4.45.
5.00
Painfully reminded that you forgot to turn alarm off.
9.50
Wake up. Drink vast amounts of coffee before remembering that it is decaff, and therefore useless.
6.00
Have bath, with very little memory of what has happened in the intervening hours. In bath, accidentally shave off mosquito bite.
6.45
Have such incredibly strong orgasm you almost pass out. Actually, you do pass out.
7.00
Roused by daughter to go out and do something about something with her phone, which involves getting dressed etc. At some point are told that you are mean and horrible, reply by pointing out how incredibly badly brought up she is, are reminded you were sole bringer-upper. Buy coffee for tomorrow morning.
8.00
Happily collapse back into smoke-fugged, laptopped bedroom, exhausted by brief exposure to humanity.
8.02
Fucking child rings fucking doorbell because it is obviously easier for you to get up and open door than it is for her to get keys out of pocket. Tear her fucking head off and stuff it down her fucking throat. She doesn't notice, and goes out again.
8.10 - 11.59
Look forward to peaceful evening wondering whether to have toasted cheese or toasted cheese, intermittently clearing up dismembered baby bats and lizards that cat likes to bring in through your bedroom window.
12.01
Sit up in bed with laptop on lap editing thing and trying to get to grips with wordpress, which is beyond you, and chatting to various people - so much more fun to do this sitting up in bed with no makeup on and hair in eccentric braid thing sticking up from top of head than actually having to be somewhere properly dressed and looking animated. Also, chatting in the privacy of your aloneness means that nobody can disapprovingly tell you you are smoking too much. Only one of these people is beloved lover going on about his other lover. Clearly you are not jealous in the slightest, as can be seen by your furrowed brow and uncomprehending: "But why?" when opposite scenario occurs.
2.00
Tell chattees you must go to sleep. Set alarm clock and note vaguely that you must be awake in less than three hours. Somewhere in the intervening time you have managed to bend wordpress to your will, and have cybersex, slightly freaking the other person out towards the end.
2.30
Door is flung open by daughter, who wishes to tell you about new car. Door is able to be flung open due to failure of feminism, which means that some months ago you managed to half get the lock out of the door in an attempt to change it in order to lock daughter out and safeguard clothes, money, makeup etc, and have ever since been plaintively begging daughter to order her musclebound boyfriend to yank the rest of it out. Even though you are slightly apprehensive, as last time you asked him to loosen a screw in the doorhandle, he yanked the whole doorhandle off. Anyway, you now have uncloseable bedroom door which means daughter is free to steal cigarettes and chat whenever she feels like it. You weren't asleep but pretend you were in a vain attempt to induce filial guilt.
3.00
Daughter having returned your phone which she has had for two days, you are able to read messages saying that you don't have to go into work at all. Triumphantly stay awake until 4.45.
5.00
Painfully reminded that you forgot to turn alarm off.
9.50
Wake up. Drink vast amounts of coffee before remembering that it is decaff, and therefore useless.
6.00
Have bath, with very little memory of what has happened in the intervening hours. In bath, accidentally shave off mosquito bite.
6.45
Have such incredibly strong orgasm you almost pass out. Actually, you do pass out.
7.00
Roused by daughter to go out and do something about something with her phone, which involves getting dressed etc. At some point are told that you are mean and horrible, reply by pointing out how incredibly badly brought up she is, are reminded you were sole bringer-upper. Buy coffee for tomorrow morning.
8.00
Happily collapse back into smoke-fugged, laptopped bedroom, exhausted by brief exposure to humanity.
8.02
Fucking child rings fucking doorbell because it is obviously easier for you to get up and open door than it is for her to get keys out of pocket. Tear her fucking head off and stuff it down her fucking throat. She doesn't notice, and goes out again.
8.10 - 11.59
Look forward to peaceful evening wondering whether to have toasted cheese or toasted cheese, intermittently clearing up dismembered baby bats and lizards that cat likes to bring in through your bedroom window.
Comments
Jeremy: Nope
Keep up the wonderful work!